Some Dylan pics

I have pictures!

Their from Chey's birthday and the following weekend.

How ironic

I'm so tired I can't see straight, stressed beyond belief, horribly irritated. The irony? My house is cleaner then it has ever been. Funny how that works, isn't it? For some reason the house is always cleaner when Jeremy is gone. The sleep deprivation comes from the fact that I have had at least one sick child in this house every day since Jeremy left. The stress? Everything that could break has including my computer. Irritation? I absolutely hate having to do all of this alone. We have a calendar on the wall so the kids can mark off the days till Jeremy comes home. 42 more days! I don't think I can do 42 more days. Right now I'm dealing with it by looking on the bright side. We had enough money that I could go out and buy a new computer and still feed the kids. I can buy birthday and Christmas presents without having to plot how to rob a bank. I don't have to cook if I don't want to because the kids are completely content with pizza and McDonald's EVERY SINGLE DAY! Not that we do that...sometimes we have Weinershitzle or Taco Bell. :) And then there's the fact that my house is clean!

What a difference 10 years makes!

At this exact moment 10 years ago I was laying in a hospital bed marveling at the fact that something so tiny and perfect could come from me. I was in total awe of the fact that I could have a part in making such a beautiful little person. I was holding this amazing baby girl and I finally knew what it ment to be totally and completely in love with another person. I was still tring to wrap my brain around the fact that this precious little thing would be dependant on me, to some degree, for the rest of my life. It's amazing how instantly becomming a mother can change a person. Nothing in the world mattered beyond that baby girl sleeping my arms. This morning I woke up to a 10 year old! I don't know where the time went. She is growing up so fast. And still I feel all those things for her that I felt the day she was born. The tenth birthday is bittersweet for me. Actually every birthday is bittersweet to me because it just reminds me how fast my babies are growing up. Now Cheyenne is big enough that she doesn't set in my lab very often anymore. She is not totally dependant on me anymore. She has the attitude of a 13 year old much of the time. She already thinks she knows everything and that her parents are idiots. That is until she need help with her homework. She has to be told a million times to clean her room before she actually does it. She stomps and cries and talks back. I think her favorite phrase is "That's not fair!" And still every time I look at that beautiful, perfect girl i know what it is to be totally and completely in love with another person. Happy birthday baby girl! I love you bigger then the sky!

The Payoff

Jeremy gave me these before he left. Looked kinda like a payoff to me! :) Aren't they gorgeous? They are actually an early birthday present. Or so he says. ;)

Minnasota

Jeremy left Abilene at 5:40 am on Sunday headed to Missasota for 2 whole months. He will be back home Friday Nov 17th. In that time he will miss Cheyenne's birthday (she will be 10 on Thursday!), a skating party for said birthday, my birthday, halloween and Alissa's 4th birthday. That's a lot of stuff to miss out on. Then add to that the fact that we have two kids playing soccer till the end of the October and Jeremy's sister's baby is due at the end of October and you have a lot of missed moments. I know it must be hard for him being away from his family for that long and missing out on so many things but I'm on the other end of that. I am the one who is still here holding down the fort alone with four kids. I still have to cook and clean and get the kids to those pratices and games and pay the bills and bake the cake and host the party, ect, ect, ect....The list goes on forever! It's only been two days and I'm already exhausted.

Fundraiser

Of course it's that time of year. The kids all brought home their exciting fundraiser forms. Mind you that's 3 kids with fundraisers. All hoping to sell 15 items becasue if they do they get to make their very own stuffed animal. Of course we can't afford to buy 45 things and the only people we know here are from the school so their own children are selling. Yes, this is where I appeal to all my kind hearted friends and family members. If you can find it in your hearts to order from my poor, deprived children you can go here www.gafundraising.com. The school code to shop is 435107. Any contributions would be greatly appreciated. :)

How do you explain?

The kids all made banners at school to honor the fallen hero's of 9/11 and the local hero's. The will be walking in front of the school with those banners in a little parade. They wore red, white and blue in a show of patriotism. Cheyenne remembers 9/11/01 with an uncanny memory for a then 5 yr old. Dylan and Cass were too young. Dylan woke up today full of questions about what happened and why. He wanted to know all about it. I tried my best to explain something I don't even really understand. I surfed the news channels for footage from that day. MSNBC was very obliging. I talked to my Mom this morning and said "I'm not watching any of it. It's been 5 years we all need to move on." I agree that you shouldn't dwell on it but I also believe we should remember. Then you consider the fact that I have children who are too young to remember for themselves what happened. They are depending on me to teach them about the things that went on that day and the days and weeks that followed. The things that the teachers and history books aren't going to teach them...

Crazy time of year

For us things always get crazy when school starts. First, we have the homework to deal with. Then we have Chey and Dyl both in soccer. That means practices every Monday, Thursday and Friday and two games on Saturday starting this weekend. As sson as we get back on track financially I have to get Cass into gymnastics on one of our free days, Tuesday or Wednesday. Then you factor in the fact that we are waiting for Jeremy to hear how soon he will be going to Minnesota to work for an indefinite amount of time and you get CRAZY. And we also have 4 birthdays in the next 3 months. Starting with Chey on the 21st of this month. We are trying to schedule a party for her before Jeremy leaves. That's difficult since we have no idea when he will be leaving and we have to work around 2 soccer games on Saturday.... Anyone wanna come stay with me a while and help out...lol :)

Rain, rain and more rain!

We have had a nice labor day weekend. It has been raining off and on, more on really, since friday night. It has been nice and cool, too. We definantly needed the rain too. We have been in a drought scince I don't know when. Today we are under a flood advisary. What a huge change. Lucky for us we all love the rain!

First day of school

The first day of school was the 15th. I'm horribly late posting pictures because my stupid computer quit working again. So here's Chey who all of a sudden likes pink, Dylan aka Mr. GQ, Cassidy the beauty queen and Alissa the moody.

These are half-asleep pictures of Dylan and Chey.








And the best dressed kids in school!





Cassidy with the wonderful Mrs. Garrett. :)

Meet the Teacher

Last night we got to go meet the kids teachers. We were a little nervous that Cassidy wouldn't get Mrs. Garrett, the most awesome teacher ever. We were ecstatic when we found out that she did get her. Cheyenne's teacher seemed a bit scatterbrained and easily distracted. Dylan's teacher seems really nice and very bubbly. She was recommended by Mrs. Garrett so I know she'll be great. Then there were the parents in both of those rooms who decided they deserved the teachers undivided attention for the entire hour allotted for meeting the teacher because clearly their child is more important than any other in the class. Mrs. Garrett, on the other hand, had big hugs waiting for each and every one of us when we walked into the room. We took our video of the Yankees game to share with her and she was just as excited as we were that we got to go. She was just as impressed as I was at the footage I got of Jorge Posada making the sign of the cross over himself and then in the grass several times after the singing of the national anthem. (Really I think it was the most amazing thing I saw during the whole game. Why don't we ever see that side of the player on the news?) Mrs. Garrett actually teared up when she saw it. She's a baseball fan too! She told us that Cassidy's name was the first one she looked for when she get her student list and that she was prepared to throw a fit if it hadn't been there. :) She has an amazing way of making you feel like a part of her family. I consider it a huge blessing that we moved when we did and my children have such a wonderful lady in their lives because of it! We defiantly won't be moving till Alissa gets through first grade. Every child should have a Mrs. Garrett in their lives.

Yardwork

The fact that my kids were hard at work pulling and throwing away weeds was amazing. The fact that Jeremy was actually the ringleader and not on his ever growing heiny was nothing short of a miracle! This was however the scene when I awoke Sunday morning. Of course, I was smart enough to immortalize the event in pictures as it may never happen again.

Now I know....

EXACTLY what my Mother was feeling when she said, in desperation, "I am so ready for school to start!" I have even been know to repeat that phrase numerous times a day in the last few weeks. :) There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The kids, well 3 of them, will go back to school the 15th. That's just 10 short days from now! We ventured out Tuesday to get their school supplies. As you can see the backpacks were the most exciting thing. Note to Mother's: Dragging 4 young kids around in 100 degree heat all day is no fun for anyone.

The Price of Children

I'm sure we have all read this a thousand times. For me it was a huge reminder of my abundent blessings at a time when I am feeling totally overwhelmed and inadaquate as a mother and wife.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,

* $741.38 a month, or
* $171.08 a week.
* That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich" Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:

* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoons,
* going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay or Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
* first step,
* first word,
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.



In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So . . one day they will like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren

Too weird

We went to a little chinese restaraunt tonight because the kids have been dying for chinese. We had a pretty nice meal. The kids behaved pretty well. Alissa was in a good mood and in no way cranky. Close to the end of our meal a man who had been setting behind us approached us. He said, "I just wanted to comment on how well behaved your kids are." I almost passed out and Jeremy actually laughed. The man said, "No, I'm serious. I didn't say they we're perfect but they we're very well behaved for such young kids." Now if that doesn't make a Momma proud I'm don't know what would. It's nice to have a little reassurance from a stranger that your doing a good job raising your kids. :) Eating out with 4 young kids is always a bit of a chore and Jeremy and I both get a little stressed thinking the kids are disturbing other people. When we go out to eat from now on I'm gonna try very hard to remember that my children are very well behaved and other people do notice that. :)

New obsession

I decided to take advantage of the Netflix free trial. I set up my account and started adding movies to my queue. Between Cassidy and myself we now have over 50 movies we are waiting to see. :) They have all the old Disney movies! Anyone remember Candleshoe? The Gnome-mobile? The Moon Spinners? We're also waiting on the first season of She-Ra: Princess of Power and Punky Bruster. I loved those shows when I was a kid. How cool is it that I can now share them with my kids? I know that the animation is not as good. I know that the Punky Bruster set doesn't look as real as sets do now but still I love those show! It's much cheaper and much more convenient then the movie rental places here. At almost $4 a movie they'll break you. Then there's the whole due date that we sometimes get so busy we forget about. Well now I can keep the movies as long as I want and expect to get a new one within about 2 days of sending one back. All that for one very low price. Us being movie people it's a heck of a deal. :)

Everyone needs a little spontaneity

I know the pictures look like a big blob and some grass but in fact it's The Big Unit! on some grass. For those of you who don't know that's Randy Johnson, one of the greatest pitchers the game of baseball has ever seen. In fact he's the greatest left handed pitcher of all time! And as for the quality of the picture, camera phones suck. We had not intended on driving 2 hours both ways to attend a baseball game Monday but we found out our, Dylan and my, favorite player, the afore mentioned Johnson, would be pitching in Arlington. So we got up bright and early Monday morning and headed that way. Not only did we get to see Randy Johnson warm up in the bullpen but we also got to see the likes of Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, all future Hall of Famers. We now have home video of the New York Yankees warming up before a game. Dylan even brought Flat Stanley along for the adventure. The kids had a great time, with the exception of the heat. It's good the take a spur of the moment trip sometime. :)

"Hurry before I die!"

This seems to be Alissa's new favorite phrase. Last night she needed to go potty and of course the light were off so I had to go with her to turn them on. Apparently I was not moving fast enough because she yelled down the hall "Hurry before I die!" With much urgency. Again today she decided she wanted to read a book. She got in my lap and once again yells, "Hurry before I die!" It was too funny. Can we say drama queen?!

The Offer

Jeremy is working for a company as a temporary employ. They had every intention of making him a full time employ but wanted to get him working sooner then they would have if they had done the whole interview, background check, ect first. So he was suspose to fly to Houston Monday for his interview on the company's tab. That was great for us because we have no money to get him there. One big problem, he can't make the flight arrangements because the company never gave him a confirmation # and he didn't learn this till after hours Friday. So, on Monday he makes the arrangements to fly to Houston at 4:00 that afternoon. He comes home at noon, we rush to get him packed and everything in order. We get him to the airport with time to spare and the kids and I come home. Then he calls...The flight was cancelled! Not a big deal if you live somewhere like Amarillo where there's a flight leaving for Houston every 30 min but here....nothing! They can't get him on another flight until 9am the next morning. The exact time of his interview. So the company rented him a car, he drove to DFW, flew from there to Houston at 5am, got another rental car and drove to his interview.

The interview it's self went off without a hitch! They liked him and he had all the right experience. They said they would call him later in the week with a salary offer.

He gets back to airport to fly home at 2pm only to find out that they have him flying back into DFW! ACK!!! What a hassle. He gets back on the phone with the company and gets everything fixed with only minutes to spare before the flight to Abilene leaves.

HE got the call first thing this morning with the offer. I personally think it's a good offer. Jeremy wasn't as happy. He's guaranteed $40,000 a year on 40 hours a week plus his time and a half and double time for his overtime pay. That works out to roughly $19.25 an hour. I think that's a great offer considering we will have medical and dental insurance for next to nothing. He will also have a retirement fund, vacation, paid holidays and he will not have to worry about being laid off. Did I mention he will get that salary for 40 hours EVERY WEEK?! Whether he works them or not?! Huge plus in my book. No more worrying about him not working enough hours to pay the bills. Although Jeremy is more worried about the fact that some of the other, less experienced guys are making the same amount as he is. I can understand being a little put off but look at all the benefits! It's a start right? They said he would get a raise in January. SO prove to them that your worth a nice one, problem solved. Sometimes it just seems like nothing is every good enough for him. :(

Money Tree?

A friend of mine was recently searching for it. Has anyone found it yet? I could certainly put a few branches to good use. Isn't funny how everything seems to snowball all at once? You plod along thinking your keeping your head above water just until those brighter days show up and WHAM!!!! I think it's a conspiracy. All the people you own money too get together and decide to hit you with the disconnects all in one week. Lucky for us the gas and water are paid. So we will have hot water but no lights, stove, ect.... No phones as both the cell phones and the home phone are set to be turned off this weekend... WOOHOO!!! Can't win for losing... Saddest part is that by taking the job in Oklahoma Jeremy actually did us more harm then good. It cost more for him to stay there them what he would have made setting on his heiny drawing unemployment. Anyone need a old gas guzzling Dodge pickup? It runs! And at this point selling it is the only way I can see to get our head back above water till we get another check. Depression has officially set in. :(

Little Miss Bossy Pants

OK, Hawk is a monster. He's practialy tripled in size since we got him 5 months ago. We finally remember to pick him up a new collar today while we were at the store. Of course I haven't gotten around to putting it on him yet. It's setting on the kitchen counter. I was cooking supper and Miss Bossy Pants walks in, initials AJL. She gets on her chair to see what I'm doing, spys the collar and says to me......."Get off your butt and go put this collar on!" WHAT?! She's got to quit listening to her Daddy and we're gonna have to start putting our foot down with Miss Boss or we're in for a world of trouble when she get older.

This is Mater

Our new little motherless kitty. Yes we're pushovers. The girls brought her home from Mom's house. I told them they had to ask their Dad if they could have her. His reply to me, "I couldn't say no because Cassidy said she loves her!" Pushover!! Of curse now Alissa absolutly loves her too. She says "she's just my size!" We named her Mater for the towtruck on Cars that we went to the drive-in to see. Such a cute movie! And Alissa can say Mater very well. :)

S'Mores Explosion!

OK, I know I probably shouldn't be encourageing my children to wear there food but sometimes you just need a good food fight to raise your spirits. I know I only have 2 kids in the pics. That would be because Cass and chey are in Oklahoma spending some time with my Mom.

Not much to talk about

For those of you who really know me I'm sure your falling in the floor from shock. For once I'm pretty well speechless. It's not that there hasn't been much going on in my world, although there really hasn't. It's more that I can't seem to string my random, off the wall thought into any form of coherency(is that even a word?). Jeremy will be going to Oklahoma to start work there tomorrow. Of course, I am less then thrilled at the thought of another stint as a single parent. But hey, you gotta go where the work is, right?

I should probably do some sappy, heartwarming Father's day post but I have a lot of animosity related to the father's that have been in and out of my life. Don't think I even have any heartwarming memories about my Dad. He was more the uninvolved, "I make the money and my responsibility stops there" type. Pretty much a total jackass in my book. :) As for my step-dad, he spent about 5 years trying to convince me that I was a lesbian and once tried to kill my mother, enough said! I guess that's why I have such a hard time just letting Jeremy be a Dad. I want him to be the best Dad. The kind that his girls actually want him to give them away at their weddings. The kind who his son considers one of his best-friends. The kind the 2 of us never had. Thing is he is a good Dad. His kids would argue with you if you told them he couldn't walk on water. For the most part he does a pretty good job. :)

So there you go, that's a good it gets today!

Flat Stanley

Flat Stanley had one great time with Mrs. Garrett! HE got to mow the lawn with her on the riding lawn mower, Mr. Garrett took him and Mrs. Garrett to eat at IHOP AND he got to ride with Mrs. Garrett on her Harley in the Hog Ralley! Now tell me she's not the coolest teacher ever! She put all the pictures on a computer slide show that I tried to attatch here but I can't firgure out how to do if it's even possible to. If you want to see it you could email me and I could email it to you. :)

Trouble

This is Alissa and her best friend, aka partner in crime. They are so cute together. They played putt-putt together with these big plastic golf clubs and had a blast. I didn't get any pictures of that though. If these 2 get to stay together through school I know some teacher who are in for some trouble! :)

Birthday Party

We had Cassidy's birthday party at Play Faire Park, the coolest mini-golf place ever. We only had 5 friends, the six of us and my my sister but we had a really good time. Cassidy was thrilled despite the low attendance. We had good cake, good friends, good presents and got to play both courses! Woohoo! Doesn't get much better then that. :)

My roses

So, I had to dl the pictures of my roses in order to delete them to make room for birthday party pics. I love my roses but they sure didn't live long. :(

Happy Mother's Day

OK, I know it's late but since I have concluded that there is not one single, solitary person who actually reads me blog well then so what if it is late! I hope all the Mother's I know, and the one's I don't, had a very special day! I took pictures of the roses, 2 dozen white! my favorite, my wonderful kids and hubby bought me but I have been too busy, or lazy take your pick, to download them. I didn't take pictures of the Wolfgang Puck grill/griddle that they got me because that would just be silly, right? :) I did however have a pretty good day. I also got a chance to appericiate my beautiful, loving children even more than I nornally do. I would have written some sappy, sentimental thing about how much I love my mother and appreciate her so much more now that I am a mother myself but I'm just not in the mood. I haven't quite been myself lately. So, lots of love to all the Mommy's out there!!!!!!

Get fit or die tring!

That's my new motto! Jeremy and I went and joined a gym today. We have been discussing it for awhile due to my high blood pressure and Jeremy's fat rolls. Now all I can think is, "What the hell did I get myself into!" Now that I'm paying money to workout I will actually have to make the time to do it because there are few things that irritate me more than wasting large amounts of money. I know it's a good thing and we really need to get fit in order to teach our children how to be and stay fit. I know it will make me feel better, not to mention making my clothes actually fit...lol Hopefully it will make Jeremy look like the guy we saw jogging down the street today without a shirt on. That man looked really good!! Not that I was looking or anything..hehe :) BUT I am so not looking forward to learning how to work all those intimidating, gynocological looking machines. I really expected to hear someone say, "Now slide to the edge of the bench...just a little further..." The only machines I could even identify were the bikes and treadmills. It's crazy!

The shiner

Dylan has had quite a week. First he walked into a metal pole at the store and got a huge goose egg on his forehead. Then yesterday the kids were playing on the trampoline and he hits himself in the eye with his OWN knee. Poor guy has a heck of a black eye.

It's finally here.....

No, I'm not talking about spring, or the time change, or the much anticipated day that Jeremy went back to work.... I'm talking about the very best time of year, at least in our house....BASEBALL SEASON!!!! All over America thousands of fans flocked into their favorite major league stadiums to witness the glory of opening day. In our house we flocked to the Southern Little League field to watch our all time favorite baseball player take the field. My own little man donned his little league volcanoes uniform, ball cap and cleats. He took the field with pure love for the game written all over him. MY boy, one of the youngest on the team, took his place at first base and it was all business. It's amazing how proud you can be of a 7 year old playing a game of baseball. And I was extremely proud of the fact that my boy was playing first base but I was also proud at all those games when my little boy played the outfield and never even had a ball hit his way. I'm am so in awe of the passion, drive and determination inside that little man to play the game he loves not to the best of his ability but better. I have seen so many kids who have this amazing raw talent. Not Dylan, he's small, not very quick, but what that boy lacks in talent he makes up for in heart. Dylan plays as well as he does because he's all heart and he's determined to be the best at everything he does and even better at the things he loves. And by the way, they WON!!! Just in case you were wondering. :)

Kids are so funny

As you all know Alissa is a Dora fanatic. The kids spend the week of spring break with my Mom and Step-Dad. Now my step-dad is old and has a habit of walking around in his underwear. Alissa, of course, took notice of the numerous holes in them one night. This is the conversation that insued.

A: Nanny, Poppy has holes in his undies!
N: Your right.
A: I can fix them!
N: Oh, ya? How?
A: With ducky tape and sticky tape! Can you get me some?

Anyone who has ever seen Dora will understand.....lol :)

Tagged

I was tagged by Shannon. Made me feel loved. :)

A) Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Peer tutor
2. amusmant park ticket sales
3. elementry school duty assistant
4. Kmart cashier

B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. The Story of Us
2. It's a Wonnderful Life
3. White Christmas
4. Sleeping Beauty

C) Four places you have lived (only four?):
1. Amarillo, Tx
2. Dumas, Tx
3. Abilene, Tx
4. if you want four I would have to start listing specific addresses :)

D) Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Medium
2. ER
3. Law & Order: SVU
4. American Idol

E) Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Jacksonville, Fl
2. Old Mobettie, Tx
3. Santa Fe, MN
4. Eurika Springs, Arkansas

F) Four websites I visit daily (only four?):
1. nov2002group on yahoo
2. accuweather
3. yahoo
4. pogo

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. flat {Granny) enchilidas
2. chicken fried steak
3. mashed potatoes
4. pasta salad

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. collecting lottery winnings...lol :)
2. In the mountains
3. a major leauge baseball game
4. on a Disney cruise

It say's I have to tag four people but all the people I know who have blogs have already been tagged. So I guess I will tag 4 people who I know read my blog.....Connie, Julie and the only other 2 people who read it....lol :)

If you have some time....

try it!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=dcasmom

Finally....

I got off my butt and finally got the software for my digital camera downloaded on this computer. Here are some pics of Alissa's first nightin her new bed. You can see them better cuz they can be enlarged. :)

Sad week

A year ago last thursday was the very last time I heard my Grandpa's voice. That was also the day he was put in ICU in an unconsciece state. A year ago saturday was my grandpa's 75th birthday. A year ago tomorrow will be the day he was moved from the ICU to hospice. Not long after midnight, on the eighth, he left us. I would have to say that was the single longest day of my entire life. Their is no decision harder to have to make, or be a part of making, then to take someone you love off of life support. Their is no harder thing in the world to do then to set in hospice with you entire family waiting for someone you love to pass away. I have so much respect for people who work in hospice. The nurses who took care of my family were amazing. In the very moments that my grandpa ascended from earth to heaven one of those ladies whistled Amazing Grace outside the door. What a huge comfort that was to my family. I hope he knows how much we all love and miss him. He was a horribly perverted old man and I miss that so much. I miss simply knowing that he's there. I hope that, if nothing else, I learned to cherish every moment I have to spend with the people I love.

New hair do's

Chey and Alissa were getting shaggy so we got then cute new hair cuts this weekend. We went back home to spend time with family. Had a great time visiting with our family and friends.

Alissa is a big girl!

I know we should have moved her to a big girl be a long time ago but..... She has such a hard time falling asleep anywhere else. But this weekend we found a deal we just couldn't pass up. The first thing she said this morning when she woke up was, "I want my Dora bed!" So we not have her Dora table and chairs, Dora toy organizer and Dora toddler bed all together and she's working hard on breaking it all in. :) The best part is that we got all 3 things for only $100. WOOHOO!

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Hope you have a great day filled with love! Can't believe it mid-february already. Sometimes life has a way of getting away from you. We've been so busy here with all the goings on of a family with 4 kids that I haven't had time to put "pen to paper". :) Hopefully soon I'll be so full of words that they just flow right off my fingertips...lol

Love, Me

My genius...

The kids baked cookies today. I told Cheyenne to put the oven on 325. dylan reads the package and says, "No, 350."
Chey: "Ya I know, cuz our oven doesn't have 325." :)

I wanted to laugh so bad.Poor girl never consider the fact that it was between the numbers 300 and 350.Thought it was too cute not to share.

Trampoline Queen!

i really have to find my digital camera software. Alissa has declared herself "Queen of the Trampoline". She is so cute jumping around on that big ole' thing. She's very bossy too. No one else is allowed on it while she is on there...even to help her off. She screams her head off and tell the kids, "Get off my twampoline!" and "I'll bounce you off!" It's too cute!

Thank You, My Friend

You know who you are! Thank you for always being there for me.

>Be strong
>To be strong, remind yourself that you can be. To be strong, remind
yourself
of why you choose to be.
>To be strong, remind yourself of what your strength, focus and
discipline
have already brought you. To be strong, remind yourself that your
commitment
can be just as powerful as any excuse or rationalization. To be
strong, have
a well-understood purpose and a well-defined plan. To be strong, be
sincerely
thankful for all that you have and for all that you are able to do.
>To be strong, begin with your thoughts. When your thoughts are of
strength
and of positive possibilities, your actions will follow along. Each
day the
world will send you all sorts of challenges, difficulties, temptations
and
distractions. Know that these things are surely coming your way, and
choose in
advance to be strong.
>As the ups and downs of life arrive, remind yourself that you have
chosen to
be strong. Then as each moment passes, you'll naturally follow through
on that
choice.

Time For Me To Fly

I think REO Speedwagon said it best....

Time For Me To Fly

I’ve been around for you
I’ve been up and down for you
But I just can’t get any relief
I’ve swallowed my pride for you
I’ve lived and lied for you
But you still make me feel like a thief

You got me stealin’ your love away
’cause you never give it
Peeling the years away
And we can’t relive it
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly

You said we’d work it out
You said that you had no doubt
That deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I’m tired of holding on
To a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I’ve had enough

I’ve had enough of the falseness
Of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy
And the intoleration
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly

{refrain} time for me to fly
Oh, I’ve got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
And that’s just how it’s got to be
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But it’s time for me to fly

Oh, don’t you know it’s...
{refrain}

It’s time for me to fly
{repeat to end}

The workings of a 3 year old mind

At 3am this morning while we were fighting Cass' raging fever Alissa decided to name the people in our family. Here is what she said then she got to Daddy.
Cass: Daddy is on a trip.
Alissa: NO!!! Daddy is working. My Daddy sleeps at work.

And this morning when we left school she says, "My mouth does it!"
me: Oh ya, what does your mouth do?
Alissa: My mouth dances!

Oh, how I wish I could see inside that little mind of her's.

A poem...

I copied this poem from a surviving divorce message board I recently started visiting for those days when I fell that I won't survive. They are getting fewer and father between but I do indeed still have them. So this will be one of the things that I use to help get me through.

After A While



After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn

That love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn

To build your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way a falling down

In mid-flight

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns

If you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting for someone

To bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

You really are strong

You really do have worth

And you learn

And you learn

With every goodbye, you learn...



1971 by Veronica A. Shoffstall

God's love

Without fail God is constantly reminding me of his blessing and love for me. The day started out so bad. I must admit I have spent most of it crying. I was so confumed by feelings of hurt, rage and worthlessness over what is happening between Jeremy and I. When I went to get Alissa up from her nap she waas laughing and the first thing she said to me was, "You are beautiful!" Thank God for my children and the fact that he speaks to me through them. Made me remember that no matter what Jeremy feels for me I will always be beautiful to my kids and my kind and loving Heavenly Father.

Tell me..

How long will it be before I can wake up in the morning and not feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest? How long before I can go a whole day without thinking about what went wrong, when and why? How long before I don't breakdown in tears at least once a day because I feel so devastated? How long before I quit wanting to curl up on the couch in the fetal position and never move again? How long before I can look at my kids and not have my heart break over how this is all effecting them? How long before I don't feel so hopeless and utterly alone? How long will it be before I am not so filled with rage and pain that I could truely drowned in it? How long before every thought I have is not shadowed with thoughs of how big a failure I am? How long before I can go to bed at night and not think about how my husband doesn't love me anymore? How long before I can actually sleep peacefully? Tell me how long will it be before I actully want to start living my life again?

Alissa' s prayer

The kids always pray at dinner. Because they want to, not because I make them. So Alissa has fallen into habit, too. Most often she says, "Thank you! Amen." Last night she grabbed my hand and said, "Let's pray." Her new prayer, "Welcome for this food. Welcome for this day. I'm done!" There just so cute at this age!

It's been forever

Not long after my last post my computer crapped out on me. :( It still isn't fixed. You wouldn't believe the internet withdrawl I've been having. How the heck am I suspose to keep up with my friends and family with no freaking computer. Hopefully I'll be back online very soon! Untill then be-lated Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all! I think we all deserve a happy year this time around!